michael8rown.com

Sometimes, when I walk long distances — from my office to the cafeteria in the Capitol building, for example — I play this little game with myself. I pretend like the ground beneath my feet is a giant treadmill. I pretend that instead of me propelling myself through space I am, in fact, compelling the earth the move under me. Sometimes this doesn’t work, but other times I am actually able to convince myself that I am making the world turn. I don’t know whether this can be attributed to my degree of self-centeredness, which is often quite high, or if it’s simply a matter of being in the right (or wrong) frame of mind.

I played this game today, and it worked quite well. Starting in the stairwell, I imagined that with each step down the stairs I was actually allowing the earth to ascend a little. Then, all the way to the cafeteria, the earth turned beneath me with each step I took. Once I reached the cafeteria, I continued to imagine that I was causing the earth to turn and that, instead of me walking toward the lady at the register, I was actually causing her to move toward me. The world stopped turning as I stood at the register, pulled out my wallet, and paid for my food. I didn’t tell the lady that I was causing the earth to turn today. I think that would have been weird. She already thinks I’m weird, so why offer any confirmation? I left the cafeteria, making the world shift directions with each corner I turned. On my way up the stairs to my office, I was not climbing but rather pushing the earth down until my floor was in front of me.

Sitting at my desk now, I’m beginning to wonder if I should let go of the earth and let it start turning on its own again.